do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
