he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
