Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize
