Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Randomize
