Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
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