Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
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