So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
You pole danced in your parka.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Randomize
