Kiss
Puke
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
