My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
We are two peas in an std pod
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
