I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
she pinky promised me she was 18
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
