Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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