For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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