He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
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