your thong is hanging out like whoa
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
