He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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