so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
