mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Randomize
