I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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