So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I want to be your penis for a week.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
