How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Randomize
