i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
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