and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
But we have bathrooms and they dont
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
