how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
