It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
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