Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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