I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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