You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
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