Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
