she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
