I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Randomize
