He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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