margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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