Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Randomize
