I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Randomize
