you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Randomize
