dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
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