Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
