he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
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