Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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