You're so nebulous sometimes
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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