let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Randomize
