I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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