Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
