I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
