I think I am morally bankrupt
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
