I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Randomize
