I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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