i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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