My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
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