when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
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