I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Randomize
