Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
