this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Randomize
