Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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