We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
