oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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