They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
